Take It Like a Man

So Long Insecurity is still kicking my tail. I haven't had as much time to read this past week as I wanted, but I am still over 200 pages into my reading and I have realized a most embarrassing, yet revealing, fact about my insecurities.....

I DEAL WITH INSECURITY LIKE A MAN.

I'm not kidding.

The last chapter I read discussed how we as women need to view the men in our lives with similar insecurities to our own. Beth's point was that we cannot cling to our men for our security--because they are barely keeping their own security in check!

In her description of men's insecurity, she used this quote from a man, "When I feel insecure, I clam up and turn inward, and depending ont he situation, I might be snippy or depressed. Sometimes I pretend like there's no problem at all so she won't see what I'm feeling and thinking" (192).

After reading that section, I handed the book to my husband. "Read that and tell me who you think of."

He read for a moment and then met my eyes. "Oh, that's you."

"Kyle, that's the chapter on how men deal with insecurity."

He chuckled.

*eyeroll*

"Generally speaking, men withdraw when they feel insecure--and women cling" (195).

I'm not a clinger. In fact, I'm the exact opposite. If I feel like I am not fitting or going to get hurt by someone I care about, I pull away. Usually this process is demonstrated by the crossing of my arms in a protective gesture across my chest, the clenching of my lips, and the physical steps I take away from the person speaking to or ignoring me.

Inside I am wanting to cling, but outwardly I push away. I'm weird. I admit it.

I deal with my insecurity like a man.

My poor husband. I'm sure he has no idea what to do with me sometimes.

Perhaps one of the most challenging areas of this book so far was the prayer Beth writes that covers all of 10 pages--and I highlighted most of it. I saw myself in so many convicting areas. Reading and pondering this prayer daily is a necessity I would say, until I get into the habit of claiming God's diginity and rejecting the insecurity.

I won't lie, I don't have this beast tamed. It bugged me so much yesterday that I couldn't focus in church. I keep thinking that in time certain insecurities will go away, but I know better. Insecurities that keep me from focusing on worship will not pass, they will plague.

My next steps in this book will take me more into how to fight insecurity, and Lord willing I will finish most of the book this week.

How are you handling your insecurities these days? I'd love to hear your input on if you handle insecurity like a man or a woman....there's no shame in being honest. ;)

So Long Insecurity

I promised a weekly book review once I got my book and got started, and here it is!

This book has gone absolutely everywhere with me. I have taken it to work every day and a new habit I have started is a long, soaking bath in the evening with my So Long Insecurity book in tow. If you have ever been a woman or pregnant you know what an irony it is to read a book on insecurity while you feel like a whale in water.

This book is amazing. If you have ever doubted whether it was worth the money, I assure you it is. After ordering mine for $8 off this site I felt a little better than purchasing it for $20 in the Christian book store. ORDER this book if you have even an inkling of insecurity in your heart.

I have made it through 162 pages and am just now arriving at the "healing" part of the book. To this point what has been discussed are the roots of insecurity. I didn't know I had so many. I literally have pages and pages highlighted or underlined intensely as I found myself on the pages.

What have I found?

Pride is a huge root of my insecurity. I would have told you I was not a person plagued by pride. I called it "perfectionism." I know--awesome way to disguise the truth. I thought that perfectionism was permissible; I was certain that my drive to be the best was legal and what made me persevere to be the "best" at my job, my classes, my marriage, my housewifery....etc. When I didn't (or don't) meet the highest expectations I placed on mysef, I fell (or fall) into major insecurity. I blamed perfectionism.

Newsflash: perfectionism is pride.

Ouch.

"Perfectionists' black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good. Low self-esteem and pride coexist in the same heart" (p. 106).

Amen. But SERIOUSLY, ouch.

The result of pride? "We end up looking in to look up instead of looking up to look in" (104).

I'm still caught on the pride I never saw in my life.

Ridding myself of pride means a lot of things in my life...
1. I have to stop trying to be the best at everything.
2. I have to stop assuming people's expectations of me and realize I am simply placing high expectations on myself.
3. I have to be the one to say, "looking at that magazine, watching that movie, looking at that person's pictures, etc....will make me more insecure. Therefore I won't read it, watch it, click on their name, or go to that place.

God is calling me to reclaim the dignity He gave me from birth. I am not to be seeking a selfish, haughty "I'm awesome" attitude, but rather to claim that God made me a dignified woman and choose to stop comparing myself and my life to the ones around me.

Kyle has been so precious to ask me about what I am learning on a daily basis. He has literally sent me to take that bath I mentioned and brought me my book. I think he likes what I am learning and likes the changes he sees that God is slowly bringing to light in my life.

So much more to learn! How do you combat insecurity in your life? Do share!