Monday, January 30, 2012

So Long Insecurity

I promised a weekly book review once I got my book and got started, and here it is!

This book has gone absolutely everywhere with me. I have taken it to work every day and a new habit I have started is a long, soaking bath in the evening with my So Long Insecurity book in tow. If you have ever been a woman or pregnant you know what an irony it is to read a book on insecurity while you feel like a whale in water.

This book is amazing. If you have ever doubted whether it was worth the money, I assure you it is. After ordering mine for $8 off this site I felt a little better than purchasing it for $20 in the Christian book store. ORDER this book if you have even an inkling of insecurity in your heart.

I have made it through 162 pages and am just now arriving at the "healing" part of the book. To this point what has been discussed are the roots of insecurity. I didn't know I had so many. I literally have pages and pages highlighted or underlined intensely as I found myself on the pages.

What have I found?

Pride is a huge root of my insecurity. I would have told you I was not a person plagued by pride. I called it "perfectionism." I know--awesome way to disguise the truth. I thought that perfectionism was permissible; I was certain that my drive to be the best was legal and what made me persevere to be the "best" at my job, my classes, my marriage, my housewifery....etc. When I didn't (or don't) meet the highest expectations I placed on mysef, I fell (or fall) into major insecurity. I blamed perfectionism.

Newsflash: perfectionism is pride.


"Perfectionists' black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good. Low self-esteem and pride coexist in the same heart" (p. 106).

Amen. But SERIOUSLY, ouch.

The result of pride? "We end up looking in to look up instead of looking up to look in" (104).

I'm still caught on the pride I never saw in my life.

Ridding myself of pride means a lot of things in my life...
1. I have to stop trying to be the best at everything.
2. I have to stop assuming people's expectations of me and realize I am simply placing high expectations on myself.
3. I have to be the one to say, "looking at that magazine, watching that movie, looking at that person's pictures, etc....will make me more insecure. Therefore I won't read it, watch it, click on their name, or go to that place.

God is calling me to reclaim the dignity He gave me from birth. I am not to be seeking a selfish, haughty "I'm awesome" attitude, but rather to claim that God made me a dignified woman and choose to stop comparing myself and my life to the ones around me.

Kyle has been so precious to ask me about what I am learning on a daily basis. He has literally sent me to take that bath I mentioned and brought me my book. I think he likes what I am learning and likes the changes he sees that God is slowly bringing to light in my life.

So much more to learn! How do you combat insecurity in your life? Do share!


Heather said...

Good post, Sarah! I struggle with the same thing, and I didn't think of it as pride before either. Looks like I might have to add this book to my list. :)

Liz said...

Sarah!! Oh my goodness, I struggle with the same thing! While I was reading Beth's book it hit me like a ton of bricks. I definitely strive too hard to be perfect and I, like you, thought I was just trying to be "a good wife/person."

Isn't it freeing to put a name on our source of insecurity?!

I am so glad you wrote this post because it has made me realize I am not the only one out there that feels like this!

Happy reading; it only gets better. :)