We were 50% through with this deployment as of the 13th and the last three days have been significant.
1. the 12th was my oldest brother's wedding anniversary. *but that doesn't apply here so I really don't know what I put that in.*
2. The 13th marked our halfway point.
3. The 14th marked 5 months until our wedding.
4. Today is pepsi day and the completion of one 8 pack.
5. Today is also my oldest brother's oldest child's birthday. *but that doesn't apply either*
God has been so very faithful through these past 8 weeks. On the surface, 8 weeks doesn't seem like a long time. I know, those of you who do this often look at me and probably think I'm a wimp. I get to talk to my sweetie daily via e-mail and other means....so our communication is wonderful. I'm very very blessed. But that doesn't mean that this time isn't also difficult. My heavenly Father has taught me more than I dreamed--and it's only halfway.
1. I have realized that while I love Kyle, I love my God more. My romance with my Redeemer has begun to blossom again like it hasn't in a very long time. I realized how much time I had taken away from my time with HIM...and replaced it with more sleep, more homework, and more time with Kyle. PLEASE don't misunderstand....time with Kyle is so very important and I cherish it. But it should never replace my romance and time with God. I had messed up my priorities and I saw the affects in my own life.
2. Speaking of priorities, God has also rearranged my priorities to get them back in focus. I have seen over the last, oh...six weeks that I have really let some personal things as well as spiritual things fall by the wayside. It's time I make some personal corrections in behavior, appearance, and attitude to continually grow into more of the Godly woman I want to be.
3. This lesson might have been my hardest.....learning to make a life in spite of being away from Kyle. For so long I have felt guilty for making plans that didn't include him, or enjoying myself when I knew he wasn't there, or going one day without reminding him I miss him. As of this last week God has had to break some of that. I've had to learn to make plans, FUN PLANS, and enjoy my life--in spite of him not being here. That's not been easy. Kyle has always been my focus and I have dedicated time and energy into spending time with him. We have practiced in our courtship the types of habits we want to have in our marriage: always putting the other first. Not having him here and having to enjoy my days without has made me feel, for lack of a better word, unfaithful. My mom and my parents-in-law have been really helping and encouraging me as they have all been apart from their spouse for an extended period of time. I cherish their wisdom as I am slowly adjusting.
My biggest fear has been that I would grow accustomed to a life where Kyle wasn't involved or where I felt single. Because from this day on I am not single--"I am my beloved's and he is mine"......but while deployments might seem to some women the calling for independence, I'm learning that it's not independence, but dependence on God alone. Dependence for needs, for companionship, for joy, and for the promise that it will all come together and be ok when my handsome airman comes home and fits back into my life.
The biggest thing I have learned so far is this: there is never a "normal"....about the time I adjust to this, God changes things and I have to adjust to a new kind of normal. So I play every moment of every day by ear and faith.
As my father-in-law told me, "There are two days you'll remember. The day he left and the day he came home." We're over the hump with more behind us than ahead. I'm pressing on singing every moment, "One day at a time, sweet Jesus. That's all I'm asking from you......"
Bottoms up on that pepsi....cheers!
Because He lives,
Sarah
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