Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The First Star

The car headlights beamed on the road. I was blinking back tears and trying to keep a strong upper lip for him. I looked out the window and then back at him. "I call the first star." We both cried.

This has been our game from the time we started dating. Anytime we walked out of a building or were driving in the dark we would compete to see who would call the first star. I called it for the last time. God, this hurts.

I know, beloved. I hold your tears in a bottle.

Army boots taking the concrete stairs quickly--we can't be late. My hand tightly in his as we half heart eyes drowning. God, I can't do this.

Sarah, yes you can. Trust Me.

The conference room was full of men and women in uniform, their families gathered around. There weren't any little children, I noted...probably because it was nearly 1:00 in the morning. Laughter, chatting, and drinking energy drinks for the plane ride kept most of them busy..and then there was me standing there wide-eyed at the stripes and rank there to encourage. God, I'm dying here!

Sarah, believe Me.

He held my hand as long as he could--handed me his hat and asked me to hold it a minute while he visited with his family and settled his bag. I ate up every moment I could. When the Colonel told us we had 5 minutes my heart began to beat a little faster. He tried to encourage us and let us know that our loved ones were going into a war and they needed to keep their edge over the next four months. Our time suddenly dropped to 2 minutes when he finished talking. God, help me.

I'm right here, Sarah.

We were allowed to see him to the gate where he boarded. His parents and grandparents decided to say goodbye there and get the car while I walked him to the gate. We followed all the couples, hand-in-hand. We said goodbye and cried. He walked to the gate and turned around to come back for one last hug. He told me it would only hurt worse to watch him go. But we both looked back to wave goodbye. God, I'm scared.

He's mine, Sarah. Trust me.

Day one has been rough. I've given myself a headache and hurting eyes. I brought some of his things with me to the apartment to keep safe until he comes back. Having them close helps. So does the praise music playing on the computer.

He called me from Maine today--and he is now in air to Germany. My beloved is finally getting to see the world like he has always wanted. He will do great--we both have a lot to keep us busy over the next 124 days. God, help me.

Sarah, I am always here. "Have no fear, for I am with you. Be not afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and give you help and uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

So much is going to happen over the next four months and when he returns we will be all the more ready to have our marriage counseling and take the next step toward marriage. As someone wise told me last night, "in a few years you will only remember two things from this. The night he leaves and the night he comes back." I'm ready for the latter already.

Because He lives,


The Kopers said...

God will show you so much during this time. It's hard and we feel broken, but through HIS grace, and with HIS strength, you'll be just where HE wants you to be.
You're already stronger than I was - I couldn't go with him to the base - it just seemed too hard.
Hope you can make it to Bible Study tonight. I'd love to pray with you.

Becky Dietz said...

Blessings on this time, Sarah! Let God prepare you even more for your man!

beccaellis said...

No Sarah, you'll remember new truths you've discovered about God. You'll remember His comfort when you're lonely. You'll understand even more the value of his never ending availability. You'll experience first hand the Biblical picture of the church as the bride, waiting for her bridegroom to return. And while Kyle's away, you'll be able to spend time reading or even being taught first hand about what it means to be a wife and partner for your husband. It's through the trials that we grow. It's through the training that God proves his love for us. So... good news. He loves you.

Sandi C said...

Sarah~ sister I know how tough it is to watch them walk away. Jim would usually call me during the day here (so it would be night there) and he would tell the moon to tell me hello and then that night I would see the moon and know we were looking at the same creation of God! (He would also tell the boys how big the moon would be that night and they had the toughest time figuring out how he knew lol) This is a time of growing and trusting that God will use in you the rest of your life. He will be there when you need to yell and cry- he is big enough to take it- He wants to be the one you lean on. And as hard as the 4 months will be you will blink and you will be back at the airport, bouncing on your toes, birds (not butterflies) in your stomach, straining your neck to see him come around the corner coming home to you~ and then there he will be- with the biggest smile EVER!!! and the 4 months will be NOTHING!!! Sister I am telling you it has been 5 years since I was in that airport and I remember it like yesterday!!! Embrace what God has for you in this time cause it will be AMAZING!!! If you ever need to talk (or cry) I am only a phone call (email or facebook) away! Smooches and Blessings Sandi Clark