Monday, December 14, 2009

Red Hairs in my Hand

If you know me very well, you know I am not a weepy person. I try not to let my emotions control me or my moods and meltdowns are a rarity in my day. I had a mild tear session tonight and what a blessing it was that this time I was home and my little sister was there to pull me into her strong arms and rock back and forth as I cried. Tonight I cried over, basically, the unfairity of life. And I suppose that somehow I hoped my struggles and the admittance of them might not just teach me--but encourage you.

After losing 50 pounds in a matter of a few short months, my body has not adjusted to the changes. Because of my hyperactive thyroid, I have begun to lose great quantities of hair. Each shower time has become a dread for me because I will pull literal chunks of my hair out and I shed all over every piece of clothing. I have not really worried about it too much until recently--when my mom and sister have noticed the thin places at my hairline. My ponytails have thinned significantly and tonight as I pulled so many fallen follicles out of my drying hair, I began to let all the frustrations of the past few weeks mount up.

I cried over the fact that boys, Jesus love 'em, just don't understand my heart. Every boy that has come into my path--impacted me--and moved on does not grasp the care in me that prays for them every day, that worries for their struggles, that loses concentration over their personal hurts. When you pray for someone diligently, you care for them......and no one understands my heart and how fervently I care for people. Because they do not understand how much I prayerfully "cheer" and "support" them, when they so quickly move on and seemingly "forget" I oftentimes misinterpret it as calloused disregard. Like I told Anna in my tear session tonight, "I want to be mad at how they don't care. But I can't. All I can do is keep on smiling because I just can't be mad."

I cried over my hair--the childish vanity of my red hair falling out in my hands and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Anna said that cutting it shorter would help it look more full, but the thought of chopping my hard earned inches off sickens me.

I cried over sin problems that I struggle with every single day--the sins imposed by an image driven culture and a momentarily deceived mind. I cried because I take control from God instead of letting HIM control ME. I cried over the stupid bathroom scales and the stupid chocolate cake in the kitchen.

Anna just listened, she cried over me, she held me so tightly and then stroked my thin hair gently--just loving me. When she had to leave quickly to answer a phone call, my reasonable Daddy walked in and made me tell him the reason for my frustration. As only a daddy can do, he encouraged me gently and stopped my dramatic moment with his sensible advice.

What a blessing God has for me in moments of weakness--He reminds me that HE is stronger. He reminds me that my weakness are merely an avenue to increase my faith and my trust in Him.
So those moments when you are falling apart, sweet reader, take a cue from my dad, pray it through, sort it out, and then SMILE! =) I will all be ok. The red hairs in my hand are a reminder that my strength is not enough, but the One who has each hair counted is strong enough.

"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!" (Ps. 31:24)
This one really encouraged me...........

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Because He lives,
God's Gal Sarah

P.S. OH THE HILLARITY! *is that even a word?* I was just watching DOC with my family and a doctor just made reference to someone with hyperthyroidism who was losing hair. The cause of the hyperthyroidism? A PITUITARY TUMOR! The doctor was elated because he had finally found a candidate for his "most unusual case." I just had to laugh....and it felt so good.


Tricia said...

My hair fell out a lot when I lost a lot of weight this past year also. It still is falling out more that I would like. Cutting it shorter will make it look thicker. Also...try taking some prenatal vitamins. They are really good for skin, hair and nails. You don't have to be pregnant! :op Just good vitamins. Love ya cus...hang in there! Are you going to a doctor about your thyroid?

God's Gal Sarah said...

I'm taking a vitamin now called Biotin to help. The doctor is the one who discovered my hyperthyroidism...i went to him for another problem and he discovered THAT! hahaha! He isn't treating it with medication, but we are just waiting to see how it balances out in time.

Talkin' Texan said...

My prayers are with you and for you.
I lost a lot of hair once during and after a large weight loss. One thing to note--God placed a layer of fat cells between your scalp and your skull to nourish your hair. When you deplete that fat, your hair will fall out. I'm not saying that your thyroid is not part of the problem, but often simply increasing your fat intake will help. You may need to gain a little weight back to replenish that hair nourishing fat layer.
The world will give you a messed up message. Don't listen to the voices that condemn you for eating a few tasty treats. God created our fat cells for a reason. Some of us need more than others. We are unique creations, able to serve God when we are healthy. Outward appearance has little to nothing to do with our ability to serve Him.
Now go eat that piece of cake and enjoy it! Love ya sweetie!