Learning

Each day is a learning opportunity if you follow the Lord. When you truly desire to become more like Him, you become play-doh that He can mold into what He wants you to be. I guess that's what I want.....to daily be transformed.....but sometimes it's painful.

I've known for a long time I had a major spiritual flaw in my walk with the Lord and the way I reach others. That flaw often makes me frustrated and literally succumb to tears. My husband knows it is present in me, and he held me the other night as I bawled over how it had made fellowship difficult at a church event.

What is this major flaw that so destroys how I look at myself?

Insecurity.

There, I said it. And I know I'm not alone in my admittance of this sin. I'm sure many women could say they struggle with this from time to time.

As I tried to explain my innermost struggles with myself to Kyle, his questions were so tender but pointed. Why do you feel that way, Babe? Why do you talk differently and act differently when we are with people than you do when you are with me or in a one-on-one visit with a friend? In what areas do you feel insecure? 


And then the question that broke my heart: Do I not love you enough or correctly so you feel secure?


My sweet husband loves me in ways I cannot express....and he seeks to love me extravagantly, more than I deserve. But his love cannot make the insecurity I feel in myself go away. Only finding peace in who I am in my Jesus can make me secure in who Sarah Bartlett is.

His prayer over me that night was so sweet, so specific, and so encouraging. He asked the Lord to break this sin in me and help me find security in who I was as God's child.

My struggle with insecurity has been around since......well.....forever. It makes interaction with women difficult occasionally, especially when I'm comparing myself to them at the same time we visit. In the scales of self-comparison, I will always come up short.

I am not going to go into all of the ways I feel insecure, because that is not the purpose of this post. I am NOT seeking "reaffirmation" from readers, only involving you on a new journey I am undertaking.

Upon my husband's encouragement, in addition to my other Bible study time I am going to be reading through Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity and implementing some changes into my life and words. I am inviting you to join me. The book is in the mail on its way to my house and as soon as I get it I will be posting weekly about what I am reading, learning, and changing in my life to combat this sin problem.

Let's face it and be real, ladies, insecurity allowed to rule our lives is sin. If you want to read through it with me, please jump in and let's walk out this new journey together.

I want so say "so long" to insecurity--and I bet you do too.

Our lives are too precious and short to spend them wasting away in insecurity--I know my Lord deserves better service from me than my self-demolition.