Thursday, January 28, 2010

Even if You Were Told

How many times do we look back and realize that our hindsight is a perfect 20-20? For me, that's about every day. Apparently I'm hindsighted. ;) Let's pause for a moment and contemplate this verse:
"Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you wiould not believe even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

I just love this passage. It's a reminder to me that God is going to do amazing, outlandish, UNIMAGINABLE, EXCITING, ok ok I'll calm down....but you get the picture. God has big plans for you--just not in the timetable we usually plan. If you are like me, you would love an example. I'm so so excited to have one tonight.

Two days ago, I was coming in from a particularly long day of classes. It was Tuesday night and I was talking to Mom on the phone--just sharing bits and pieces of my day. She was encouraging me in that way that always calms my heart when she asked about lifegroups in the church I have been visiting.
"Have you found one yet, Sarah?" she asked.
"No, they haven't mentioned it in class and I have no idea right now."
"Well, honey, you're just gonna have to ask somebody!"
Her last statement was oh so perky, and I felt a little part of me snap.
"I know, Mom, but if I add one more thing right now I think I'll fall apart!"
I think that last comment came as I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I didn't mean to sound snappy, but I felt remorse the instant the words were said. Mom calmed and agreed...asking if I needed to quit work, drop a class, or do something to help my soaring stress levels drop. I began to share what was being said in my "Learning Environment" class--all the theories on discipline and teaching styles that neither could I agree with, nor could I see myself enforcing.
Mom listened patiently, and reminded me that we would continue to be praying for God to reveal His ultimate will. We hung up the phone, promising to talk to each other the next morning as usual for prayer together.
I got changed and prepared to go to a friend's birthday supper--all the while feeling somewhat brain dead. As my roommate and I walked to meet our girlfriends, a couple of them noted on greeting me that I looked, "tired." I knew this was what my "magic mirror" told me every morning, but for them to notice made me double check my posture and fight for that smile on my face. As they asked about my classes, two of the girls quickly commented on one of my professors for my "Learning Environment" class. In a nutshell--I was going to die. When very very smart honors students say they studied 15-20 hours for his tests, I knew my fate was sealed in a wooden box. All that study for a class I didn't even like. H.T. *one of my friends* mentioned, "Oh yeah, I dropped my education major because....." I guess in that moment I began to really consider what my parents had mentioned a few times before, but considerations that created anxiousness in my soul. What would happen if I dropped my education degree? From that moment, God began moving and shaping in ways I would NEVER have imagined.
During dinner, my parents and I texted back and forth about the class, other options, and ideas about which we could only continue to pray. By the end of the night I went to bed...tired, mentally weary, and uncertain about what the future would hold.
The next morning I woke up, ready to talk to Mom and hopeful for answers. During the course of the next 8 hours, I would talk to 5 people who all agreed in the same way on the same thing *and for these 5 that's a real miracle*......and by lunchtime I had changed my major from English Education to just plain English. I went from agreeing half-heartedly to being a public school being an English major completely uncertain about what the future holds. God "did something in my days that I would not believe even if I were told...."
Mom and Dad had been telling me that this is how it would be--I've been praying for God's direction for MONTHS now. And in 24 HOURS He changed my world and opened my eyes to new possibilities that I am seeking to explore. I have no idea what He is going to do in the future, but that "not knowing" has never felt so amazing.
I am currently seeking opportunities to work in summer internships to gain experience in the ministry/mission fields. I have no idea even where to start or who to contact. But I do know this: if God can change my little world in 24 hours......I shouldn't be worried.
I know this wasn't particularly deep tonight, but I just had to share with you all and remind you that God has plans that will utterly amaze us--but they rarely happen in our timetable or in the way we imagined. Take JOY in that, sweet reader. There's such peace in the ambiguity of faith.
Because He lives,

1 comment:

Becky Dietz said...

I love it, Sarah. I'd never considered that God might speak to me through "looking tired!" I love how God works...and I especially get a kick out of watching him work in your life. You may not know what the future holds, but I bet it includes blessings!