Behind--and Ahead

 Behind—and Ahead

©Sarah Leathers

I’ve battled my enemy hard. I’ve battled him all day.

The sword I’ve chosen is my own. The wielding my own way.

With wounds I feel deep in my soul I look around—

My Savior, where is He? He’s nowhere to be found.

“Why aren’t You here to fight with me?” I call out through the night.

“This is Your battle I’m waging here. Why aren’t You gonna fight?”

I hear Him call from far away—His words so clear and true.

“Put down your sword and stand behind so I can fight for you.”

Another sweep from the enemy hordes, I am standing all alone.

My arm is sore, my sword is dull, my heart feels like a stone.

The fortress I’ve made of my heart was the way for my pride to grow.

But now all I see is the rubble of the righteousness I’ve tried to sow.

“Where are You LORD?” I call again, my voice is growing weak.

“I’ve tried so hard to do Your will. Your ways I’ve tried to seek.

So where are you now, when I need You most—the enemy strikes again.

I’m all torn up, I’ve tried to fight, but I find that self-sufficiency’s sin.”

I hear Him call from nearer now—His words so clear and true.

“Put down your sword and stand behind so I can fight for you.”

I feel like falling in a heap. I’ve tried so hard to do the right

With my own self-strength a goal locked in my sight.

If my fortress is truly built in vain then all my “goodness” was for naught—

I suppose that doing this on my own is truly not my lot.

I’m so confused—so all alone. Where does He want me to be?

In this place, or that. I’m really trying to see.

I want to what He desires—I’m trying my very best.

I have a sword—though kinda dull—and a heart that needs a rest.

He speaks again from near my side—His words so soft but true—

Sarah, get behind Me so I can fight for you.

I choose this day to step behind, so He can fight for me.

I ask Him to build the wall of the fortress He wants me to be.

I’m not quite sure where now we’ll go. I’m no longer in the lead.

The sword I need to sharpen—His word I need to read.

I dread the day I try to fight this battle again alone.

For then I know I have a heart as heavy as a stone.

But I know that He’ll speak again with words so plain and true.

Sarah, get behind Me so I can fight for you.